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issue 1 june 2004

this article

suede fanclub meeting minutes (con't) 3

10:27 a.m. - the lights flicker off for a few seconds, then flicker back on. elixirpeaking announces that as of noon, his name will be elixirpeaked. gunsucker asks, "so are you still peaking now?" dr. peaking replies, "yes, but only until lunch."

10:35 a.m. - a telephone rings, and everyone looks around nervously. someone can be heard whispering, "i didn't know that thing still worked..."

10:38 a.m. - up_a_cows_arse and punch_in_the_face announce the formation of the suede fans for underscores front. ganymede is not amused, in the least.

10:50 a.m. - nc haze and blue girl debate the distotanian iconography of the second candyskins album, which they quickly draw to a close when they realize everyone seems confused. blue girl asks, "don't they know about distotanian pragmatism?" nc replies, "i don't think they know who the candyskins were."

11:12 a.m. - nc haze leaves to attend a menswear concert in jared leto's closet.

11:13 a.m. - wouk rushes back in and takes the podium, huffing from exhaustion. "i have very important news!" he wheezes. "brett anderson, bernard butler and elton john are reforming suede with enos from the dukes of hazard and two carnies from cornwall. it's true, my uncle's neighbor heard it from a guy in a pub who knows a lady who works at the chip shop where this other lady works who once flew through the bermuda triangle with a friend of the guy who used to cut brett's math teacher's grass! sigh! our boys are back!" oxydol screams "bloody hell," losingmyself screams "if bernard's there, it's suede!", pylon shouts "i heard they were gonna be called verbal pisspot," "no, that's velvet pisspot" yells explodedtoffe. wouk's eyes roll back in his head, and he faints.

12:00 a.m. - the lights flicker off for a few seconds, then flicker back on. elixirpeaked takes podium and declares that as of one o'clock, his name will be elixirdescending. he then announces the break for lunch.

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